Pernicious people harm you. Pernicious people subtract from you. You are diminished and bruised by pernicious people.
Pernicious people can be defined as insidious, They are toxic and noxious. AND… you have them in your life. We all do.
They may have been in your life for a long time. They may be in your circle of co-workers. They may be a member of your extended family.
HOW TO IDENTIFY PERNICIOUS PEOPLE
Pernicious people seep into our lives. They usually attach themselves to us through their neediness. Their needs usually have something to do with their egos.
Initially they don’t seem harmful. They may present themselves as friends. They may seem interesting and seem to add value to our lives. They don’t.
Telltale signs of pernicious people:
- You recognize the relationship is one way. You are the giver. They are the taker.
- They need to be the “smartest person in the room.” They often correct, diminish or edit your statements.
- They always seem to need things to be on their time and terms. They are often late or cancel out at the last moment. Their “flexibility” is more important than a commitment to your relationship.
- They contact you when they need something from you.
- The conversation revolves around them. If they do ask about you, the conversation quickly returns to their issues.
- They need to insert their experience into situations you bring up.
The list is long. Go to your gut. If you feel frequently disappointed or disrespected by someone- pay attention ! How do you benefit from having this person in your life? Are they subtracting or adding to your life? Be honest with yourself!
People like this are bad habits. Habits can be changed.
BE FREE OF PEOPLE WHO SUBTRACT FROM YOUR LIFE
We define ourselves by the circle of people we allow to surround us. If we allow them to continue in our circle, we indicate that we accept how they treat us.
We know not to reinforce children for behaviors that are unacceptable. Why reinforce people who subtract from us?
Advocate for yourself. Be clear with what you value in a relationship. Do this with and for yourself. This is about you. This is about self- respect.
Your feelings about this do not need to be shared with your subtractor. They won’t hear you anyway. They will be too busy defending their ” rightness “.
You really don’t need to say anything. You really need to communicate through your actions! Lay the relationship down, walk away, stop contacting them. SHOW them, you don’t need to tell them!
Even if contact with them is unavoidable, be brief in those encounters. This is not about conflict. It IS about freedom. And dignity. And self- respect. Detach.
It’s just like poison ivy. Close encounters result in unpleasant results!
