Tough talk- elderly parent driver safety
Tough talk- elderly parent driver safety addresses the uncomfortable conversation about your parent’s driving ability. OR….lack of ability.
We have a universal awareness of elderly people losing their driving privileges.Due to that, once our own elderly parents fall into that category our awareness sharpens.
As a result, we begin to worry about what to do. AND…how to talk with our parents about it.
Diane Atwood recently wrote an article on this subject in the The Bangor Maine Daily News http://catchinghealth.bangordailynews.com. Although the circumstances varied, the issue did not. Here are some of her suggestions. AND… a few of my own.
Facts guide decisions
How do we begin the tough talk with our elderly parents? Most of all, it begins with observations. And continued observations turn into facts. The fact that , behind the wheel, our parent could be dangerous.
In addition, their actions could seriously hurt someone else!
Convert observations into facts
First of all……….
- In order to convert observations into facts, document your findings. As in – WRITE THEM DOWN- date them – keep a log.
- Be consistent- document every observation indicating decline.
- Schedule your observations-at least once a week. Decline can pick up dangerous speed quickly!
- Be objective. Review your observations as if this were someone else’s parents.
- Most of all- ADMIT when observations become facts. A factual pattern can be established in as few as three observations.
Facts into action
Rather than a “wait and see” approach, take ACTION. Consequently ,it involves busting a move. Making the change.
Probably any conversation with an elderly parent is difficult when it involves losing independence. However, this is no longer about preserving parental dignity. This is about SAFETY! Your parent’s safety. AND….the safety of other drivers.
Tough talk tactics
Since there is no guide on this topic, there are no absolute solutions . Therefore, these are suggestions as to how to approach the tough talk- elderly parent driver safety conversation.
Here are a few:
- Use compassionate but non- negotiable language- “I know this isn’t an easy subject for you or me but here are the facts.”
- Offer alternative solutions for transportation- a paid driver, your services on a scheduled basis,etc. There ARE alternatives.
- Enlist the support of a doctor. Share your concerns and facts before an appointment. Make sure he/she is in agreement.
- Hire a driver’s ed teacher to evaluate them.
- Have a sibling be in solid agreement AND present during the tough talk.
Piece of mind
Even if you initiated the tough talk about them, include yourself in the conversation. This is about YOUR piece of mind and wellbeing. Even though your parents are the subject , YOU are a central player.
If an accident occurs, who will be the one dealing with it? Be clear with your parents that YOU need piece of mind. YOU need to be relieved of the worry.
These are the people you have loved the longest. Although the reality is tough, so are the consequences of doing nothing!
It gets down to the simple saying that you will “pay now or pay (MORE) later”!
I have had this conversation twice. Both times were tough. BUT….we moved past it. We were safe.
I can support you in – and through – this.
Call or email for a complimentary session.
Julie@gracefulgrit.com 208-755-2824
