CAREGIVERS FIND THEMSELVES LIVING MARGINALLY
Caregivers- especially those providing long term care- often feel squeezed into a life of limitations.
Limitations of available discretionary time. Limitations of personal freedom to travel. Limitations of spontaneity. Limitations of decision making for themselves.
Some of these limitations are illusionary. Some of these limitations are self- imposed. Many of the limitations are real and defined by the responsibilities of caregiving.
Caregivers often live in the narrow margins of their own life.
NARROW MARGINS DEPLETE OUR CORE
Margins are the edge, the limit or the surplus of our chosen life. When we become overwhelmed and preoccupied with the ongoing requirements of caregiving, it can seem that our margins nearly disappear.
Margins are the healthy space we create outside the demands and chaos of everyday life. And margins must be created, protected and enlarged. For it is when we are in the margins of caregiving that we sustain and renew ourselves. HOW and WHEN do I find time to do THAT……you ask?
An article in http://encyclopedia.com ,written by Mark Daniel and G.Fletcher Linder, presents examples of how marginalized individuals suffer greater health risks those with broader life margins. People who have very narrow margins tend to feel oppressed and powerless. They slog through the duties and feel with trapped and victimized by the responsibilities of caregiving. Remember the Drama Triangle?
MEASURE YOUR MARGINS
The margins of our life are the times when we push “pause” on the chaotic chatter our minds script around caregiving. Margins are our “me” time, our moment of reprieve, our safety net for sanity. What are your “margins”?
When we are pressured and stressed, it is common to ignore what and where margins are. For example,driving while alone can provide us a margin of time to listen to music, to be silent, to think our thoughts. Pushing a grocery cart through the aisles, listening to muzak while on phone hold and taking the 10 minutes to stop and drink a coffee are all healthy margins outside the dance of caregiving demands.
And how do we measure our margins? First…..what are your margins? Next…..where do they exist in your life? And….they do exist! Is it in the bathroom, is it the quiet time before anyone else is awake, is it the 15 minutes you schedule to meet with a friend?
Measuring the true health and breadth of our margins uses the questions when and how often as the tape measure. We need to be in our margins every day. We need to be in our margins for at least five minutes and at least five times a day.
Margins have to be developed , recognized and scheduled . This is a non- negotiable caregiving practice. Margins must be a developed habit, a necessity and as crucial as sleeping, eating and hydration. AND….margins must be recognized and snagged when they present themselves.
An unanticipated wait, a long stop light, purposefully taking the long way home, using earbuds and music to block out distractions – there are countless margins that we miss, ignore and waste.
SILLY, SIMPLE AND SOLID
Is this silly?? Only if you believe that your care doesn’t merit the same devotion as that you give to others. Finding your margins really is simple. It means that we need to pay attention to the breaks “in the action” that our daily routine provides.
The breaks are there. If there aren’t enough breaks- create them. Start small. And be solidly committed to protecting the time you take for you.
The frequently used phrase,” put your own oxygen mask on first” is completely accurate and appropriate here.
Take care of YOU as you give care to others!
