In my continued work with caregivers,I find examples of extraordinary caregiver courageousness. I am impressed by how people courageously give care to others. And these caregivers are faced with daunting conditions and odds.
Many of these courageous caregivers are surprised when I applaud their efforts. Many report that it is simply “the right thing to do “. Most report they feel anything but courageous. Following is an example of what I call caregiver courageousness. You decide.
MEET MARIE, CAREGIVER COURAGEOUSNESS IN PERSON
I met Marie recently at the home of a mutual friend. She had spunk, grit and great wittiness. She was fun. We were with a group of nine women intent on supporting our friend’s daughter- a newly hatched group facilitator Our purpose was to be her guinea pigs.
I sat next to Marie during the group session. We shared some meet and greet stories about ourselves. Everyone shared their great joys as well as their great challenges.
Marie’s story had substance and truth and pain and hardship. Her husband of many years had been battling stage four cancer for the past three years. The prognosis gave him a five percent chance of survival. Marie was his only caregiver.
He HAD survived. He had an impressive pattern of clean PET scans. The test results had created a medical truth that the cancer was gone.
They were cancer free. Marie was NOT free, however, of the residual exhaustion and fear. AND….there were continued follow up trips every three months. The specialty clinic was three hundred miles away.
CAREGIVER GRIT
Marie was tired. She was working three separate jobs seven days a week. Although cancer free, her husband was still unable to work more than part time. She stated her situation without complaint or self- pity. After all,she shared, her husband was the one who had a more difficult reality.
“How did/do you do this?” I queried. “What set you apart from all the other cancer patient families who face such a daunting prognosis?”
Her answer included examples of family support and absolute faith in the medical team. She had stories of friends and families who extended help and encouragement.
What impressed me most was her grit. She “inherited “it from her husband. Dan had unshakeable belief in his survival . Even in the turmoil of treatment, hospital visits and nausea he believed in his survival.
Marie and Dan projected their lives beyond their present situation. They planned future trips. They organized family reunions, They visualized Dan waterskiing on the lakes he loved. They planned the events with the dates “To Be Announced”.
Marie’s grit was continually challenged . She was tempted to give in, give up and succumb to the grind of treatment. To keep her focus positive, she developed a daily mantra. “I know the future we want and it is NOT the present we have.”
Maintaining this attitude was tough. Dan and Marie were tougher. And their attitudes prevailed.
Dan received another clean health report last week. He waterskied as if he had never been sick. Marie established dates for family reunions this fall. They are back to the future they chose.
Contact me for a sample of how we can co-create your story.
